


Breathe

by smolalienbee



Series: Elijah Kamski's demons [20]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 21:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17393639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolalienbee/pseuds/smolalienbee
Summary: While Elijah Kamski has recently begun to work with Jericho, he and Connor spend more and more time together. Unexpected things happen and painful memories are brought back up to the surface.





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT, so this chapter happens pretty early on in the story, it's set between The Deviant (Hunter) and Chloe, when Elijah has just started to cooperate with Jericho. It was actually originally supposed to go up after A Safe Place, but then I pushed it. At some point I even considered not posting it at all, but then figured it may as well go up since it's written and all. We're taking a break from everything that's happening with RK900 and stuff, just to take a look at the beginnings of Elijah and Connor's relationship. Enjoy!!

“ _We're hoping to cooperate with the governement of the United States, so that we can all live in peace and safety. Soon, we'll be meeting President Warren to decide on the next steps to take.”_

“ _And what about Cyberlife? It's well known that Elijah Kamski returned to his position as CEO of the company. Are there any talks going on with him?”_

“ _Yes, we...”_

Click.

Screen faded to black.

Elijah let out a heavy sigh, leaning back in his chair.

He didn't want to hear what Markus had to say about him.

Ever since the androids began their struggle at gaining rights equal to humans, they were all over the news.

Markus, mostly, but Elijah had seen Connor's face popping up several times, as well. Even lieutenant Anderson had his fair share of the spotlight, but he was clearly not the most qualified person to be answering the reporters' instrusive questions.

They had reached out to him, as well, but he refused. Time and time again.

He couldn't waste his energy on the interviews.

He spun around in his chair, looking all over the office. It was gradually becoming his second home, he spent large amounts of time in there. Just like back in the early days of Cyberlife.

It still felt empty and foreign.

He really didn't want to be there. The Chloes were nowhere nearby, either. The last thing he wanted was to drag them into this mess.

He sighed again, dropping his forehead to the desk.

He was already in the process of figuring things out with Jericho. After Connor relayed his proposition to Markus, the android leader quickly made up his mind.

Cyberlife and Jericho would work together.

And after the decision was made, Elijah had spent much more time talking to Connor. Early on, he made it clear he didn't want to discuss matters directly with Markus. The deviant hunter initially protested and Elijah was sure his request didn't make him any more trustworthy. But he couldn't, didn't want to speak to Markus.

The android brought back memories that he couldn't deal with, not now.

Possibly not ever.

He got up.

Why did that damn android want to meet outside of his office?

Something about sitting in the same space not being good for his health.

Connor was so annoyingly sweet.

 

* * *

 

His coat wrapped tightly around him, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Half of his face hidden behind a scarf, the other half under a beanie.

Elijah shouldn't have gotten there ahead of time. He knew Connor would arrive right on time. Until then, he was stuck there, standing on the sidewalk, waiting.

He hated waiting.

Despised standing there with nothing to do, nothing to occupy his mind. He got restless easily.

“Hello, Elijah.”

The android's voice felt like a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Hello to you too, Connor,” he hummed, spinning around to face him. “Was it really necessary to meet out here?”

“Well- no, but I've been running diagnostics on you and concluded that changing your environment would be very beneficial for your health and-”

Elijah held a hand up, cutting him off.

“Yes, yes, I hear you,” he assured with a sigh. “Now, lead the way.”

Connor complied, immediately moving forward. Kamski lingered behing him, taking a second before hurrying up to keep up with the android.

It was a fairly short walk before they reached what looked like a small coffee shop. Elijah raised an eyebrow as Connor led the way towards it.

“Really? That's where we're going?”

“I've done research which indicated that this is the most appropriate setting for us to talk. And I have heard that the coffee here is very good.”

“You don't drink coffee. Or, anything.”

“But you do,” Connor pointed out, “They also have decaffeinated, which I'd suggest you to order, since your caffeine intake is already far too high.”

Elijah just rolled his eyes at the comment, stepping inside after Connor.

The place wasn't too big, it could even be considered cozy, the scent of coffee and pastries surrounding the space. Not many people around. Surprisingly, a few of the waiters were androids. No armbands or signs on their uniforms, only the LED giving it away. It was quite an uncommon sign, so soon after the revolution, but it happened. Few store owners were accepting enough to take in lost and jobless androids, let them work on their own terms, even with no official android laws yet. Elijah had a feeling it was part of the reason why Connor chose this establishment over any other.

As they found a table and sat down, Kamski was briefly reminded of a similar setting from his youth.

A coffee shop, his laptop on the table. The faint voices in the background, conversations going on at other tables, all sounds he tuned out whenever he worked.

The memory of how that place got ruined for him still felt fresh in his mind, despite the years that passed.

He shouldn't dwell on it, he thought. There were more important matters. He was no kid anymore, what happened back then couldn't possibly happen again. Right?

He lifted his gaze and curled his toes, willing himself to focus on the android in front of him rather than the painful images in his mind. He noticed Connor's LED flickering yellow, though it was a second before it turned blue. Did he notice how much Elijah was struggling with his own thoughts?

“So what was it that Markus wanted us to talk about?” He got straight to the point, anything not to let himself fall back into the dark hole of his own mind.

“It's... actually not that important, this time.”

Elijah leaned forward, his elbows on the table and chin in his hand.

“So why bring me out here? Or is it just that you wanted to see me?”

Connor flustered at the suggestion. Elijah wasn't sure if he was seeing it for real or just making it up.

“It's not really that,” he was unsure how to pick the right words, it showed in the tone of his voice. “I haven't heard from you recently and I thought it'd be a good time to check up on you.”

“Oh, so you just wanted to take me out on a date,” Elijah responded immediately. A smug smirk. “You could've just said so. I'd have said yes.”

Connor opened his mouth to reply, but didn't get to say anything as a waiter approached their table.

“Hello, are you ready to or-”

His voice was polite, but he cut himself off strangely, as soon as Elijah looked up at him. Their eyes met and Kamski could see the waiter's LED blinking red. Was it fear that slipped past the android's features?

“It's you,” he breathed out. His soft voice was followed by loud clattering, the tray that he was holding slipped through his fingers and fell to the floor. Elijah flinched, startled by the sudden noise.

All eyes were on them now. Even Connor looked surprised, gaping up at the other android.

“It's you,” he repeated, taking a few steps back. “You're-”

“What's going on here?” some of the staff approached, the ruckus bringing everyone's attention to their table.

“Get him away from here!” the android cried out, loud, suddenly backing away even more, bumping into tables and people.

Elijah just sat there. Frozen.

Trapped in his seat.

Brought back to That day, at That coffee shop.

Why was this happening again?

History sure liked to repeat itself.

He didn't even register when Connor was grabbing his arm and pulling him up to his feet. He swayed, moved on autopilot. The eyes observed his every move and he wanted to disappear, curl in on himself until he'd turn invisible.

But the world didn't work that way.

Connor dragged him out of the building and Elijah didn't resist him at all. The android's grip was tight, forceful, as they moved forward.

It didn't matter. They had to get out of there.

There were voices around them, voices of the past, fingers pointing at him.

“ _The freak's here!”_

Out, out, out.

Find a way _out._

Everything was a blur until they suddenly stopped, somewhere, an alleyway. Connor let go of him and Elijah stumbled, his back pressing up against a wall. Hands flying up to his face, grasping at his hair, trying to rip them out of his scalp.

He couldn't breathe.

He tilted his head back, eyes tightly shut.

“Elijah?”

He swallowed, moving his hands from his hair to his ears. Covering them up, trying not to hear anything.

“Elijah.”

Connor's voice was still there, faint.

But he could also hear other voices. Memories.

“ _Is he running away?”_

Why wouldn't it stop, why wouldn't they shut up?

He gasped loudly when he felt hands on his arms.

Connor forcefully pulled his hands away from his ears. His LED flashing red.

Elijah tried to pull out of his grip.

_Don't touch me, let me go let me go_

He gave up when he realized it was just the RK800.

They stared at each other for a long while until Connor slowly, carefully loosened his hold on Kamski's arms.

“I-” Elijah started, lowering his head. Didn't finish.

“It's okay, now,” Connor's voice was quiet, soothing.

“It's not!” he snapped.

“Elijah,” his voice was far more stern now. He let go of his arms at the same time. “Breathe.”

Kamski looked like he was about to protest. He parted his lips, about to say something, but then decided against it. Deep breath in, breath out. He noticed that Connor was doing the same, even though he didn't need to. Leading him. Helping him keep the rhythm of his breathing steady.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in

Breathe out.

Elijah's mind was finally clearing. The voices were quieter. He nudged Connor away and the android took a step back. As soon as he did, Elijah placed his hands on his knees, bent over slightly. Still tense, but visibly calmer.

“For fuck's sake,” he uttered under his breath, his voice dripping with frustration.

“How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I'm feeling?” glancing up, he could see the deep, worried frown on Connor's face. He sighed. “I'm fine. Just needed a minute. It's not the first time something like that has happened.”

He really didn't feel fine. Not at all. He wanted to throw up, badly. A headache. He wanted to scratch at his arms. When was the last time he felt so overwhelmed?

This was why he didn't go out.

Going out was a mess.

It had always been the reason why he wanted to hurt himself. A way for the demons in his mind to crawl out and haunt him.

_Fucking breathe, for fuck's sake._

Being away from society had made it so much harder to deal with the situation. To ground himself. He was used to it, at one point, but then years of avoiding people made him accustomed to the quiet of his own house. So now, this feeling, this anxiety and fear, was so unfamiliar, so alien to him.

He was holding onto the edge with just the tips of his fingers, so close to slipping off.

Should he just lock himself up again, pull away from the society, from Cyberlife?

Those thoughts were back, again, and he desperately wanted to get rid of them.

“I called a cab,” Connor's soft voice startled him.

He glanced up at him, fingers gripping onto his knees even tighter. Gave a small nod, then his expression turned to a more sour one.

“Fuck, I think I'm gonna be sick,” he uttered, squeezing his eyes shut, his breath coming out shaky.

He wasn't wrong.

Elijah Kamskil one of the richest people in the world. Elijah Kamski; a genius, creator of a living species of machines; _a god_.

And now that same man was throwing up in an alleyway. With the android that he created watching over him.

What a pathetic sight.

He'd certainly be embarrassed over it, if he wasn't so deadly nervous and exhausted already.

He didn't know what he'd do if Connor wasn't there. He was hunched over himself, with the android rubbing his back until the cab eventually came. He helped him get in and made sure they got to the right address. Elijah didn't have to do anything.

He was silently thankful for all that Connor was doing for him.

He passed out during the ride home. The soft hum of the engine, the feeling of a car moving, the exhaustion brought on by a panic attack. All of it made it pretty easy to fall asleep, no matter how horrible he felt. His cheek pressed up against the cold glass.

There was something about Connor's presence that made him feel safe enough to let his guard down like that.

He couldn't understand it yet.

But that new, strange feeling was something he desperately wanted to hold onto and welcome into his life.

 


End file.
